Where Is The Person I Used To Be?

Lately I have been struggling with lots of things. Most of the things are stupid. I am a freakin worry wart. I worry about everything and I hate it. Its the dumbest things too. Stupid Anxiety! I am the kind of person who is always happy and rarely do I get down. If I do I get right back to my normal self. Lately that has not been the case. I think I have finally just let what I have had bottled up inside of me explode. I think there has been people that have come into my life that have changed how I think about things. Hence my anxiety. By people I mean two people that I dated. One guy was really angry and had a temper and the other just said really rude and cruel things that brought me down. Anyway because of them I have had alot of post traumatic stress you could say. I think I edited myself to be who they wanted me to be. In the end thats been no good and I have lost who I am. So here is to finding the old me and rediscovery the old happy me!

All sorts of exciting things!

I haven't posted on here for a while. Its 1 AM and I thought what the heck now is a good time to post on my blog. Maybe I will write some now and finish later. So life is pretty fun but also scary at the same time. I am learning to rely on Heavenly Father and develop my relationship with him.

Ben and I have been talking more seriously about marriage lately. Its kinda fun but also scary. Ben is great though and I love him ALOT. Ben and I have been looking at houses. I know, you are probably thinking we don't need a house right off the bat. Its hard to pass up though since houses aren't badly priced and interest rates are low. Plus the houses we have been looking at are cheaper than rent. I think a house is a good investment. We decided it was best to pay off our car loans first so we can get a better loan on a house. We are lucky that our only debt is our cars. We think we can both pay off our cars by january.

On that note I love Ben alot. We have been dating for almost 7 months now. I think he is my longest relationship. I can honestly say he has become my best friend. (guy friend) We have been through alot together already and thats what makes me think we would and will be great and awesome eternal companions. Wow, that sounded cheesy. I think we have helped each other through alot and have grown so close together. We have even cried together. Well mostly me thats the cry baby. I am such an emotional freak. Anyway I love him. I am pretty excited that we have been talking about marriage. I am not saying that its for sure. You never know in this crazy world what could happen. But we both feel good about it.

Well I am off to bed

Fun Pictures!

My friend Tanya took pictures of Ben and I after she did my family pictures. Here are some of my favorites. I will have to post my family ones later.

Glee!

Glee is my new favorite TV show. My friend Kenzie got me into the show by making me watching the season finale. She let me borrow the first part of the season. Needless to say I got hooked. Luckily my other friend had the last part of the season and put them on my iPod. I am in love with the show so far. I am still finishing them but I love them. My favorite characters are Will, Rachel, Finn, and Emma. I just love the songs and the plot. Yes I am an official Glee Fan. Is anyone else a glee fan. I think we should have glee nights! Ok yes I am a dork. Lately I feel like I can really relate to Emma's character. She is not very confident and very unsure of herself. I feel alot like her, especially lately.

As of 3 days ago my plans in life changed. My plan was go to the U take the classes that will help me become a good child life specialist, get a internship (preferable at primary childrens), take the certifying exam, and get a job as Child Life specialist. I felt good about this plan. I finally felt like I knew what I was doing with my life. It felt good when people asked what I wanted to do with my life.
So I went to an orientation for my class and the teacher told me I was not allowed in the class because I didn't have the prerequisites for the class. The prerequisites are classes like understanding child and child development. I told the professor that i was more than qualified and experienced in that area. She didn't believe me. so needless to say I won't be going to the U. I will just get an internship out of state without the classes. Stupid People at the U. Anyway life is good and I feel like the lord is leading and guiding my life.

So what am I am going to do with my sudden free time. I am going to study about child life and use my friends material from the class. I am also going to enjoy other good books. I am also going to get a full time job and save up to live out of state while I intern.
Thats my plan, Wish me Luck!

Summer Is Almost Over :(

Today is August 9th, what? where did the time go? I am honestly sad that summer is almost over. I don't like the idea of it getting cold. I love the warmth and sunshine. I got depressed the other day thinking about winter. I had to force myself to think about the good things about winter. Here is what I came up with. In the winter I can cuddle up with a blanket and Ben. Right now it is too hot to cuddle. I can get hot chocolate. I can wear hoodies and sweatpants. The best part about this winter though is that Sam will be coming home. I seriously can't wait until she comes home. She is a great missionary but I miss my best friend.

I have done some fun things the past few weekends. Over the 24th weekend I went with Ben's family to Cosey resevoir need Pine View. We chilled in the sun, swam and had lunch. It was fun to get to know Ben's Mom and Step dad a little more. The next weekend I tubed the Weber River with Ben's family again. This time we were with his Dad and Step Mom. Tubing a river is something I have never done. I was kinda nervous at first but it was really fun. I did however fall off my tube a couple of times.

I finallly got accepted into the U to the take the class I need to hopefully become a child life specialist. My first day of class I think is the 25th. I am kind of scared. The U is so big and different from Weber. I think I will like it though. I have missed the social part of school. I am excited to meet new friends. I am also very excited for the class. I think I will really enjoy it. Tomorrow I plan to go up to U and figure out where everything is.

At work with my kids I have been trying to keep them busy. I bought this really awesome air dry clay. All the kids have had alot of fun with it. Its fun to see what each of them come up with. I will have post pictures later.

Well thats about all for now!

Summertime!

I love summertime. Being out in the sun is my favorite. I love going outside with out a jacket. living life in flip flops and even barefeet. I love love love summer. I love that there is so much more to do in the summer. The sun makes me happy.
I shall update you since my last post. I graduated on April 23. Graduation was so much fun. President Monson came and spoke. The spirit there was amazing. I am not techincally graduated. Right now I am working on one more class and I will have my degree.
I finally figured out what I am doing with my life. I want to become a child life specialist. I have to take a couple of classes at the U. I am working on getting accepted and other stuff that involves going to a new school. I am really excited that I have my life somewhat figured out.
Most of my time is spent nannying. I am once again nannying 3 families. I love all my kids. I have been watching two of the families for almost 3 years now and the other family on and off for two years. I have loved watching them grow up.
My other time has been spending time with Ben. I love spending time with him. We have still beeng going biking, geo caching, and other outdoor things. The other day we woke up at 4 am to see the lunar eclipse. We also got to see the sunrise. We have done a few double dates with our friends Tanya and Jace. We also have doubled with Brady a coulple of times. I love Ben. I have never loved someone like I love him. I am so happy with him. I am glad we are dating. Tomorrow we will have been dating 3 months. Well that is pretty much what I have been up to.

Meet Benjamin!

This is Benjamin. He is pretty awesome. We have been dating about a month now. I really enjoy spending time with him. We do lots of fun things together. We have gone geocaching, walking, biking, rollerblading. A few weeks ago we went to the Owl City concert. The concert was so fun. Ben made it even better. A couple of days ago we took the train down to salt lake at had a picnic at Temple Square. We had pb&j, apple sauce and fruit snacks. Then we went to the Joseph Smith movie. These are just some of things we have done. It was alot of fun. We seriously have so much fun. I hope this goes somewhere, because I really like him.